Current/Recent Reading List

02 August 2007

A Well-Placed Shot

Whatever the quality of my humor, the form of it that the Good Lord gave me is generally deadpan (works well with teenagers, by the way, but only after they've gotten to know you a bit - otherwise it messes with their minds). So, I appreciate a good stab of dry humor, even when I'm the butt of the joke. To wit, here is an example from today:

(The scene: check-out counter at Lowe's Home Improvement[again], with me purchasing six cans of spray paint and four large bags of pine bark mulch):

Girl Cashier: Would you like a bag, by the way?

Me: Uh... yeah, I guess so. For the paint.

Girl Cashier: Yeah... I'm not sure the mulch would fit in these bags anyway.

I had to congratulate her on that one, especially for her swiftness. Then, of course, I figured out where her car was in the parking lot and used the spray paint on it.

No hard feelings.


Locomotive Breath said...

Be very very glad. I usually get the dim bulb teenager who can't figure out the price on the mulch, never mind make a joke about it.

I've gotten to the point where I very carefully examine the integrity of the bar codes before I put an item in my cart. With a missing bar code, telling the trained monkey at checkout you've got a 1/2"x6" pipe nipple just gets you a dirty look while they try and decide whether to call the manager to get you thrown out.

Twenty years ago I needed to sharpen a knife so I went in to the Sears tool department and asked the dim bulb teenager for a "whetstone". As Vivien Leigh is my witness she, with a puzzled look, said "You want a whatstone?" I left and never went back.

School Master P said...

LB - Hilarious.

Although, did you exclude the possibillty that the dim-bulb was really playing you, and was actually making a Shakespeare-level play on words?

Locomotive Breath said...

Well I made a long story short.

I explained what I wanted several times and she never did get it. We finally had to find the old retired-from-construction tool-department guy who knew exactly what I was talking about. Unfotunately they were out of stock. It took half an hour to find that out. So I never went back.