Current/Recent Reading List

16 September 2006

SchoolMaster P Winning Early Skirmishes; number of casualties uncertain

After declaring war on belligerent forces from the Honors Class Liberation Front (HCLF), Gen. SchoolMaster P appears to have emerged victorious from a series of early flank skirmishes with the enemy. SMP's precision air strikes have been particularly effective, as he made contact with 11 concerned parents over the course of the week. Many of these contacts were made during a series of clandestine Friday afternoon attacks. "Our belief is that these attacks, made just as the kids believed they had a pleasant weekend approaching, caught them all the more off guard," an SMP spokesman said.

Earlier in the day SMP had a face-to-face meeting with the Assistant Principal of War, who agreed with him that no more whining about work, kindergarten-type disruptions, excessive talking, or sleeping should be tolerated. In a joint statement, the two declared that unless the HCLF ceases all aggressive behavior, SMP will be forced to order ground forces and heavy artillery into action.

Other good news for SchoolMaster P has included the winning over of many neutral members of the class, who increasingly have come to believe that throwing their lots in with the enemy is a path to destruction. One anonymous neutral stated, "Last year SchoolMasterP seemed more interested in patient diplomacy. This year it seems he just wants to kick people's asses."

Gen. P's spokesman, however, cautioned against too much optimism. "We are still in the very early stages of this conflict. There are some particularly tough battles ahead of us, we are sure. We'll have a more complete picture after we've gotten through problem-solution essays, Oedipus Rex, and Pride and Prejudice," he said.

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